Walking Contradiction~

I am not aiming for perfection, not even attempting to come close.  I am satisfied to be this contradiction and part time hypocrite. Wherever it is that you find me on my journey, is where I am.

 
Yelling at the height of my road age or yielding for the car juxtaposed oddly in traffic.  Fucking your husband if I choose or refusing to because he is.  Flipping you the bird or telling you to kiss my ass and meaning it for what ever reason I deem fit.  Scooping heaps of food on plates at a shelter, unable to maintain eye contact because I understand that in life you can end up anywhere.  
A scathing bitch or your best friend.  Trusted confidant or your worst enemy.  Unscrupulous nemesis or your biggest cheerleader, your number one fan and supporter.  Information sharer, minimal gossip or vaulted secret keeper.  Caring too much or not caring at all.  Being compassionate or not !! Those are all my decisions to make.
 
Charities contributed to; money loaned; time spent; sicknesses nursed;  I am the personification of  friendship epitomized.  Flower sender, card writer, birthday acknowledger’.  Lover, loving, loved.   Stalemate winner, Ice cold shoulder giver.  Abortion having or life giving.  Food stamp using or six figure making.  I won’t steal but I might beg.  I don’t lie but a liar, truth teller, even if you cannot handle it. Quiet observer or loud cusser!!  Partier or social recluse.  Nerdy homebody or galavanting lady of the night (galant de nuit).  A real standup person who’ll spit on your car or you, if I have to.  A real lion* willing to go toe2toe & blow4blow if you take it there.
High road taker or low road walker, it just all depends on the day.  I’ll meet you on your ground, your terms & the victor I’ll always be.  Why?Because my truth is my own to claim without shame.  I am my own work in progress and no one has any power over me!  I walk in my light…and in my truth…and that makes me “unstoppable”.

I have opened my home for those without one; offered a place to stay when there was no hotel or safe haven; pampered others with surprises and showered them with gifts just so they would feel appreciated and my words have demolished those who felt up for the task of “tearing me down” and conversely my words have soothed savage souls and my advice consoled–whether it was asked of me, or not…whether those who received cared or didn’t, never truly mattered & it never will.  I give wholeheartedly as I am “moved” to & show up delivering consistently, not for praise, not for thank you’s, nor accolades–I do so because of the light within.

 
Being at my best and doing my best is only for me.  Being at my worst and doing my worst is only about me.  I am content in my skin because I know that “external” factors don’t matter.  Certainly not the opinions or feelings and thoughts of others (who by the way can’t manage any better in their own lives).
 
This ^ is just some of what I am, I choose to be me withOUT apology to you for any of that.  I can go on all day about the dichotomy that is me, but let me stop bordering on narcissism ;0) (even though the schadenfreude in some of you would rather I be self conscious and insecure, I’m laughing at you!).
Other people can’t tell me shit about “me”–because I KNOW who I am (learn yourselves).  I actually don’t care who stands in judgment of me (remember most people ain’t shit).  I feel sorry for the self-righteous; pity the conscious, and shake my head at the holier than thou’s. Because those types hide behind titles scared to make a move, any move, but especially the wrong move & instead of working on those shortcomings they’d rather talk about those of others.  Suggestion:  Get a life.  Matter-of-fact just start living yours (because if you were unaware, you’re a hypocrite too!).
 
Therefore let me go back to either doing my good deeds or my bad deeds.  Yesterday I was one act short of sainthood and today well you know what I am today.
 
P.S.
Excuse me…you in the glass house, lemme take those stones since you won’t be needing them to pelt my way (I don’t live in a glass house & I’ll be needing them to pelt at you)!.

What Do Women Want?

by: Kim Addonizia

I want a red dress.

I want it flimsy and cheap,

I want it too tight, I want to wear it

until someone tears it off me.

I want it sleeveless and backless,

this dress, so no one has to guess

what’s underneath. I want to walk down

the street past Thrifty’s and the hardware store

with all those keys glittering in the window,

past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old

donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers

slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,

hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.

I want to walk like I’m the only

woman on earth and I can have my pick.

I want that red dress bad.

I want it to confirm your worst fears about me,

to show you how little I care about you

or anything except what

I want. When I find it, I’ll pull that garment

from its hanger like I’m choosing a body

to carry me in this world, through

the birth-cries and the love-cries too,

and I’ll wear it like bones, like skin,

it’ll be the goddamned

dress they bury me in.

 
 
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About fanciesherself

Schemain Duncan is an American grown, Brooklyn bred burgeoning Writer & Photographer currently residing in Atlanta. She writes a provocative and controversial blog from the atypical new woman’s perspective about the subliminal memes that infiltrate & affect the dynamics between Black men and Black women, inclusive of other race on race issues with hopes that her raw, sharp edged words will create dialogue and change. Digest at your leisure~ Her way with words has found another creative outlet with a unique greeting card line aptly called “Honestly Speaking” which captures what others don't and that says what you are really feeling and seeking to communicate in all of the "in between" moments. All photography are original works, see both by visiting... http://honestlyspeaking.weebly.com/
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3 Responses to Walking Contradiction~

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